Five Myths About Women and their Rebuttal

Read in Spanish

There are several myths I keep hearing about women and it seems like men believe these myths. So here is a list of five of these myths and their ingenious rebuttal by yours truly.

(P.S. This article is full of jokes and insults to men. If your masculinity can’t take that, hop off. Also, don’t take me seriously.)

Myth 1: Women take forever to get dressed

Wrong. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, “forever” means “for a limitless time”. And even though men, with their tiny brains and short attention span, might feel like 30 minutes or an hour is forever, this amount of time is still a finite value, and thus not limitless, consequently, not forever.

Myth 2: Women can’t drive as well as men

Wrong. Women can drive as good as men, and even better! This stereotype was definitely started by some doofus with fragile masculinity who got beat by a woman for a spot in a parking lot.

Seriously now, statistics show that the percentage of car accidents for women compared to the percentage of women drivers is similar to that of male drivers. In other words, there’s an equal probability you’d be in a car accident if you’re a man or a woman. Some women do appear to be confused and nervous while driving a car, but think about it, wouldn’t you also be confused driving around a bunch of reckless idiots (a.k.a. men)?

Myth 3: Women on the Internet love receiving photos of ugly little penises from people they have just met

Wrong. Although this might sound a bit obvious for a functioning human brain, some men seem to have trouble grasping the concept (which says a lot about the functionality of their brains). Sending a picture of your little pecker won’t help you attract a woman you’re talking to. How about sending a meme or something nice instead, like another meme?

Also while we’re at it, statistics have shown that 0% of men who approach women they’ve just met with phrases like “Do you like sex?”, “Wanna have some fun?” or “I am a Nickelback fan” have actually got any sex! [Source: Trust me, bro]

Myth 4: Women can’t be leaders

Wrong. World War I, II, the Cold War, and most other wars, were all caused and led by ugly men with weird mustaches and dumbass haircuts. If you search for ‘world’s worst dictators’ you’d get an all-male list of tyrants who killed millions of innocents. Also, Italy called their dictator, Mussolini, ‘il duce’, which curiously sounds very close to the English word ‘douche’. Coincidence? I mean, yeah, but you see my point, right?

There are indeed few countries with a woman in power. Germany and New Zealand and two of these countries. And how are they doing? Pretty well! So, no, smarty pants, women can lead.

Myth 5: Men have larger penises than women

Wrong. In fact, women have an advantage over men who are born with a penis. The man’s penis is attached to him and can reach a limited size for each man and has one constant boring colour. Whereas a woman, if she chooses, can have a penis of a size and colour of her choosing. And what else? IT’S DETACHABLE! So the next time you want to brag about having a penis, remember, one of the same size that comes with far more options could be bought by a woman for 130$ from Amazon, and, she probably can use it better than you use yours.